The Hand That Pulls: Trapped in the Divorce

Based on true events. Persons and details are fictional. Any similarities are purely coincidental.)

Reading time: approx. 7 minutes

To you who believe you hold the reins,
who twist words, block paths, and let hearts—including your own—break.
I see you. Without reproach. Without accusation.What if you chose peace?
Souls would heal, the father would be a father again, the mother a mother again.
The children would be free.
The court would divide fairly.
Everyone would go their own way, whole and intact.It is possible.
Let us heal what is broken.
Let the pain end—for everyone.

This story tells of a divorce that was never finalized, a shattered family, misguided judges and lawyers, and massive manipulation. It shows how the conflicts of our time—private as well as global—are often not resolved but instead allow a few to gain a great deal while others lose everything. It is a warning that surrender can threaten us on many levels if we do not think, look closely, stand together, and defend ourselves by every means.

• I tell the story of an unbearably endless separation.

• I tell the story of an unbearably endless separation.

• How it could have been…

• Facts, sources, films, books & tips

A winter evening in the Alps. Snow covers the roofs, the wind howls around the house, the fire crackles in the fireplace. We sit close together, blankets around our shoulders, fragrant tea in our hands. I tell you a story that sounds like a dark, endless dream—but it is true. It has happened to many, it is still happening, and it could happen to any of us.Imagine a charming, good-looking, universally popular man of the world.

He is a father, a husband who shaped his life with strength, diligence, and soul. He lived with his family in the mountains, in distant countries, in places full of life, in pulsing cities like Rome, Helsinki, Edinburgh, Geneva. He created a home full of adventure and warmth, a flourishing company that supported not only him but many others.He loved his children, cared for them, and even after the separation provided them with a beautiful home near the Swiss peaks, where they still spent time together and did many things as a family.

But with the separation process a storm began, then a tsunami of absurdities, accusations, debt-collection proceedings, expropriations, and more.His wife became an enemy who had prepared her chess move with lawyers long in advance. She drained the man and drew the entire close family, friends, and employees into her personal war. She demanded—first money, then everything that had been created together.

The court seized the shared houses, savings, the company, the reserves. Everything was awarded to her, even money that no longer existed. The man was allowed to earn only a certain sum but was supposed to pay many times that amount in support to the woman. Many countries insists on a fair division. With the help of the lawyers she managed to twist words and facts. He was declared guilty where he was and is innocent.

Gaslighting is what this is called—an old “game” in which your truth is distorted for so long that you yourself begin to doubt.

“You never were and never are enough,” she accused him, while she made evidence disappear and lied in court. Earlier, when they were traveling in foreign countries, she had affairs—with a scientist, an entrepreneur, a top athlete. She used these men and their connections, capitalized on them, borrowed money, built herself a network, while he was sentenced in court to finance her high standard of living.

A father who lost his children because the mother turned them against him and the legal representatives did nothing about it. She succeeded in having the children—now grown—sue their own father for enormous support and drag him into court as well. They also lied in court. At the latest then the judge and the public prosecutor should have reacted, but they did not. She claimed he had never loved her—although he had been there for her for years, offered opportunities, and swallowed the marital betrayal. The children, now adults, broke off contact but gave no really compelling reasons; instead, like the mother, they demanded money and privileges.

Psychologists speak in these cases of parental alienation—a dangerous development that blinds children.He continued to fight in court, yet the mother won every step—her artificial tears and repeatedly presented lies weighed more than his evidence. It seems—no, she said it in front of witnesses—as if she wanted to ruin him. Her lawyers, the hunters from ambush, fired without pause. Lawsuits, complaints, lies.

His defenders? Hesitant, weak, incapable of stopping the attack. He brought facts. He proved that she earned well, that she lied and manipulated. The presented evidence and proof bounced off, were twisted, ignored.The judge, a man of demonstrably dubious reputation, sided with the woman. Her portrayal won; his voice fell silent.

The almost-adult children became her weapons. She set the children against him—“Your father is leaving you”—although he had given them a home. For years they have not come. At the beginning it was about money—thousands per month, until he could barely breathe. His wages were garnished, the accounts empty, the company destroyed. Customers withdrew, jobs were partly eliminated, relationships undermined because she and the lawyers would not let up and the law protected them.He could have brought even more evidence. For too long he had remained silent, trusted the passivity of the lawyers—and he tried too late to sue them as well.And the story continues to intensify.

The lady and the court relentlessly pressure the man and father, who now has no contact at all with his sons. He no longer has a livelihood, must constantly report to the police for flimsy reasons, is not allowed to work, receives no basic security or unemployment benefits—and is nevertheless permanently charged with high sums.

No one helps. The press does not take a stand.

Lawyers who support him and have good reasons against the lady do not get through. She twists the facts wherever possible and impossible—and gets away with it. Worse: the lady takes action against anyone who expresses justified criticism and inundates them with criminal complaints. Friends, relatives, helpers—anyone who so much as opens their mouth ends up in the mill. These are highly manipulative processes that should never be allowed to succeed.

One wonders how this is possible! A fierce, endless case.

The man’s life, his work and abilities, simply everything is destroyed—in essence also the lives of the now-adult children, supported by the judge and the canton.Imagine standing in court with all the evidence in black and white. The judge looks away. The lawyers threaten everyone who helps him—friends, relatives, everyone ends up in the mill of their lawsuits.

No one dares to stand by him. Authorities, press—deaf. He screams until he is hoarse, almost falls into the eternal, until friends find him. Calls for help without end. Who will save him?The law that is supposed to be just, the law that is supposed to protect people—in this case families and children—has become a trap for everyone.

Courts that are supposed to clarify destroy. Lawyers earn while a life passes, the children’s lives are destroyed, the woman is given no chance to be held accountable in a way that would make her wake up.

A good judge who speaks justice listens, protects the parties and the children. He balances and helps heal in a new constellation. Good lawyers clarify cases quickly and on the basis of facts.In the Alps, in quiet valleys, by the sea, on islands and in cities, people fight against these storms—against their partners, lovers, business partners, politicians, friends, courts, lawyers who want to erase them.

They fight against systems that pretend to be blind. No one helps. Fear keeps everyone away.And if this happens to you? If those you love, those you trust, destroy you—and the law watches? If friends remain silent because they fear the next blow? This is not a Netflix series, even if it sounds like one.It is real, now, everywhere!It will not stop until we, until many look.1. How it could have beenImagine two people who have long since grown apart. Each with their wounds, their life.

Especially the impulsive, the manipulative, trapped in their wounded self, in their narcissism that blinds them.

I know this myself—years under manipulative hands in the family, a dangerous situation in the closest circle that even the police and international experts considered unsolvable. “Let go,” they advised. I did not. With reason and courage I fought, offered the affected person help toward self-help, while in the background a safety net was being stretched.

Injustice must not be accepted—not only for oneself, but for all who suffer. Every victory shows: we can open our eyes, break through the daily manipulation—in private life, in society, in politics, everywhere.For the man in this story, a judge could long ago have dissolved the marriage, negotiated support fairly, and given the children the freedom to see their father.

My story stands for MANY who cannot cut the Gordian knot.There would be the jurisprudence: save families, do not destroy them.

I have experienced good jurisprudence: my former husband and I wanted to divorce, by mutual consent, hand in hand. The law forced lawyers on us who wanted to stir up conflicts. Our female judge saw us, listened to us, banished the lawyers and let us leave as friends. We celebrated a divorce party covered by the press. That is how it could be.

I ask the legal representatives, I ask you: How can we stop scenarios that destroy lives and split families—here and worldwide?

How do we help the many who are stuck in such difficult processes?How do we make these stories public so that fathers, receive justice, can breathe again, so that the children see their fathers again—often it is also the mothers—and the relationship can develop trust once more?He is not alone; the suffering is found everywhere in the world.

And we all must look!If you have ideas, have networks, create documentaries, films, blogs, articles on these topics, please get in touch and share this call!

2. Facts, sources, books, films & tips

With the help of AI and blogs or research I wrote years ago, I offer sources, books, films and search tips and the connection to my blog “Herzbruch” (attached); it deals with love scamming (with source references).

Anyone who would like to network with this blog is welcome; I ask for understanding if networking requests are reviewed.

My fireplace story is in some form true. For many protagonists it has been going on for almost ten years. The divorces that were applied for long ago have still not been finalized. “The law” is not used for the peaceful separation of a broken marriage, for the protection of the child’s welfare or for the family’s reorientation. Instead everything is handled in favor of “well-earned lawyers,” court time is stolen from the public, and the family is robbed of the chance of a new friendship, a financially regulated life, and the love and care that children need in order to feel secure.

THE TOLD STORY IS NOT AN ISOLATED CASE!

3. Sources, explanations, books, films & tips

Gaslighting: Internationally recognized as psychological violence, often in divorces.
A British study found: 1 in 5 of those affected permanently doubts their own perception (Stark, “Coercive Control,” 2023). A new analysis (Journal of Family Violence, 2025) shows: 30 % of divorce cases involving psychological violence contain gaslighting—e.g., lies about finances or the child’s welfare. In Australia it destabilizes children and partners to the point of resignation (Sweet, “Gaslighting in Families,” 2021).The term comes from the 1938 British play “Gas Light,” later known in the USA as “Angel Street.” It was followed in 1944 by the film “Gaslight” (directed by George Cukor) with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. The husband manipulates the gas lights to make his wife doubt her sanity. The film became world-famous!

Lawyers and arrangements: Internationally criticized: lawyers prolong divorces for profit. In Canada costs in one case consumed 80 % of the assets (Justice Canada, 2023). Switzerland: “The divorce business” (NZZ, 2024). A new investigation (European Law Review, 2025) shows: in 25 % of cases lawyers on both sides tacitly cooperate to maximize fees.Influenced judges: Council of Europe: in 40 % of cases “credibility” outweighs evidence (GREVIO, 2023). Spain: judge suspended because of unfounded PAS rulings (El País, 2021). USA: bias endangers the child’s welfare (NCJFCJ, 2020). A Swiss analysis (University of Zurich, 2025) shows: 35 % of judges rule in cases of manipulation without examining the evidence.

Divorce law worldwide: Switzerland: support payments excessive—60 % of fathers pay more than they can afford (Beobachter, 2022). Italy: shared custody intensifies manipulation (Journal of Family Studies, 2021). Canada: inconsistent judgments destroy trust (Justice Canada, 2023). International report (UN Women, 2025): 20 % of divorces worldwide involve manipulative procedural tactics.

Parental Alienation (PAS):Known worldwide as Parental Alienation Syndrome, it describes how one parent incites the children against the other. Studies from the USA show: 11–15 % of children of divorce experience alienation (Harman et al., “Parental Alienation: Overview,” 2022). A new study from Germany (University of Tübingen, “KiMiss Instrument,” 2024) measures alienation across 55 manipulative behaviors—e.g., blocking contact or slander.

Psychologists warn: untreated it leads to anxiety, depression, personality disorders (Kelly & Johnston, “The Alienated Child,” 2001). In Brazil it has been considered child abuse since 2010 (Lei 12.318/2010), yet the German Federal Constitutional Court (17 November 2023, 1 BvR 1076/23) criticizes PAS as “refuted.” An international survey (Bernet, “Parental Alienation Survey,” 2025) shows: 70 % of professionals regard it as a real problem, despite the dispute over the diagnosis.Cultural and legal differences: In countries such as Italy or France (Journal of Family Studies, 2021) shared-custody models lead to conflicts when one parent manipulates. In Brazil parental alienation has been treated as child abuse since 2010, but proceedings often remain long and destructive. In Switzerland it is criticized that support is often demanded at excessive levels, financially ruining fathers (Beobachter, 2022).

Books:

• “Divorce Poison” (Richard A. Warshak, 2010) – standard work on PAS and manipulation. 

• “Coercive Control” (Evan Stark, 2023) – gaslighting and power in relationships. 

• “The High-Conflict Custody Battle” (Baker et al., 2014) – divorce conflicts. 

• “Splitting” (Bill Eddy, 2021) – manipulation in the divorce process.

Films/documentaries:

• “Weil du mir gehörst” (ARD, 2020) – feature film about PAS with discussion. 

• “Erasing Dad” (Argentina, 2014) – alienated fathers, award-winning. 

• “The Red Pill” (USA, 2016) – controversial documentary on family law. 

• “Divorce Corp” (USA, 2014) – criticism of lawyers and the justice system.

Associations for those affected:

• Switzerland: “Starke Väter” (starke-vaeter.ch) – support for alienated parents. 

• Germany: “Väteraufbruch für Kinder” (vaeteraufbruch.de) – counseling for PAS and divorce. 

• International: “Parental Alienation Support Group” (PASG, parentalalienation.org) – global platform. 

• UK: “Families Need Fathers” (fnf.org.uk) – help with manipulation and loss of contact.

Anyone who would like to network can search social media with certain hashtags and keywords for hidden groups, specialized lawyers, coaches and therapists (narcissism self-help). In the groups people help one another, talk to one another; participants are often accompanied and supported!Concrete hashtags: #ParentalAlienation (active worldwide, thousands of posts). #Scheidungshilfe (German-speaking, often with tips).

#NarcissisticAbuse (focus on manipulation). #Trennungskinder (emotional exchange). Search: #PAS, #ElternKindEntfremdung, #DivorceSupport. Follow active accounts and network via comments. #DivorceSupport (international, regular posts).#ParentalAlienation (worldwide discussions, often critical).

#FamilyLaw (legal aspects).
#Scheidung (German-speaking, emotional).Examples from sources:
“PAS Rhein-Main” (pas-rhein-main.de) – a self-help group in the Rhine-Main area that probably has a Facebook presence (based on older data).
“SeFeM” (self-help group in Würzburg, mentioned in mainpost.de, 2006) – may run a Facebook group or be networked.

Search for “Scheidung Selbsthilfe Schweiz,” “PAS Selbsthilfe,” “Eltern Kind Entfremdung” or “Trennung Unterstützung.”
Filter for “groups,” check public ones (e.g. “Trennung und Scheidung – Austausch”) or apply for access to private ones.
Search: #PAS, #Trennung, #Manipulation, #Justizreform. Follow activists (e.g. family-law specialists) and engage in threads.My blog on the topic #ManipulationinBeziehungen, #Scamming

#Scheidungshilfe #NarcissisticAbuse #PAS, #Trennung, #Manipulation, #Justizreform #Väterrecht

4. Laws and rights – for the protection of all

(as of Switzerland 2026) Yes, there are divorce and family-law rights that are actually supposed to serve the rights of all—both parents and above all the children. They exist, some are new or recently reformed, and they place the child’s welfare first. In practice, however, they often fail because of manipulation, procedural delays and lack of enforcement—exactly as in our story.Current Swiss foundations (Swiss Civil Code ZGB and Code of Civil Procedure ZPO):

• Joint parental responsibility has been the normal case since the 2014 revision (Art. 296 ff. ZGB)—also after divorce. Sole custody only as an exception when the child’s welfare is concretely endangered. 

• Alternating custody (shared-care model) can be ordered by the court since 2017, even against the will of one parent, if it best serves the child’s welfare (Art. 298 ZGB). Goal: both parents remain actively involved; alienation is to be prevented. 

• Child support and spousal support: uniform calculation method of the Federal Supreme Court (two-stage with surplus distribution). The parent obliged to pay support must not fall below the subsistence minimum. Since 2017 clearer separation of cash and care support. 

• Right to personal contact (Art. 273 ZGB): child and non-custodial parent have a mutual claim to appropriate contact. Restriction only in case of concrete endangerment of the child’s welfare. 

• Procedural law (ZPO revision from 1 January 2025): simplified procedure for divorces and child-related matters, inquisitorial principle (court investigates of its own motion), no prior conciliation procedure in child-support cases. Goal: faster, more child-friendly clarification. 

• Violence-free upbringing (since 1 July 2026, Art. 302 ZGB): explicit prohibition of physical and psychological violence (including humiliation, intimidation) in upbringing. Cantons must ensure counseling services.

What about the children?

The child’s welfare is the supreme legal maxim (Art. 11 Federal Constitution, UN Convention on the Rights of the Child). Children are heard in the proceedings (depending on age and maturity). Manipulation (parental alienation) is increasingly recognized in case law as endangerment of the child’s welfare when it systematically destroys the relationship with the other parent—yet recognition remains controversial and case-dependent. Courts are supposed to protect both parent-child relationships.New and ongoing reforms (2025/2026):
Federal Council report June 2025 on family-court jurisdiction: proposals for uniform competence in child-related matters (independent of the parents’ marital status), faster and more consensual proceedings.
Consultation 2025 on promoting alternating custody.
Goal: less destruction, more balance.These laws exist—and are supposed to prevent exactly what happens in the story: financial ruin, loss of contact, abusive lawsuits and complaints against critics. But as long as manipulation and “credibility” triumph over evidence, they remain empty letters.That is why the question to all of us: How do we enforce them? How do we make the stories visible so that justice for all—and above all for the children—becomes reality?

Romancescammer & Manipulation: https://www.maison-victor.com/blog/21052019/11/8/herzsprung-liebes-und-heiratsschwindler-romancescammer-manipulateure-und-narzissten-auf-dem-vormarsch-was-tun

Kleine Schritte bewirken große Veränderungen

Selbstbewusstsein kommt nicht immer mit einem großen Auftritt. Manchmal entwickelt es sich ganz leise, Schritt für Schritt, wenn wir Tag für Tag etwas für uns selbst tun. Es wächst, wenn wir uns entscheiden, es zu versuchen, auch wenn wir uns über den Ausgang nicht sicher sind. Jedes Mal, wenn du trotz Selbstzweifeln handelst, stärkst du den Glauben daran, dass du es kannst. Selbstvertrauen bedeutet nicht, alle Antworten zu haben – es bedeutet, darauf zu vertrauen, dass du sie auf deinem Weg dahin finden wirst.

Der Schlüssel zum Erfolg liegt nicht darin, auf den perfekten Moment zu warten, sondern mit dem anzufangen, was du hast, und zwar dort, wo du gerade bist. Große Ziele können überwältigend sein, wenn man sie als Ganzes betrachtet, aber durch kleine, konsequente Schritte kommt man immer weiter voran. Egal, ob du auf ein persönliches Ziel oder einen beruflichen Traum hinarbeitest: Fortschritt entsteht nicht durch Perfektion, sondern durch Dranbleiben. Handeln schafft Klarheit. Und mit der Zeit werden all diese Schritte zu einem greifbaren Erfolg.

Du musst nicht furchtlos sein, um deine Ziele zu erreichen, du musst nur bereit sein. Bereit sein, es zu versuchen, bereit sein, zu lernen, und bereit sein, daran zu glauben, dass mehr in dir steckt, als du denkst. Der Weg ist vielleicht nicht immer einfach, aber das ist Wachstum selten. Was zählt, ist, dass du weitermachst, weiterlernst und an die Person glaubst, zu der du dich entwickelst.

Verwandle Vorhaben in Taten

Selbstbewusstsein kommt nicht immer mit einem großen Auftritt. Manchmal entwickelt es sich ganz leise, Schritt für Schritt, wenn wir Tag für Tag etwas für uns selbst tun. Es wächst, wenn wir uns entscheiden, es zu versuchen, auch wenn wir uns über den Ausgang nicht sicher sind. Jedes Mal, wenn du trotz Selbstzweifeln handelst, stärkst du den Glauben daran, dass du es kannst. Selbstvertrauen bedeutet nicht, alle Antworten zu haben – es bedeutet, darauf zu vertrauen, dass du sie auf deinem Weg dahin finden wirst.

Der Schlüssel zum Erfolg liegt nicht darin, auf den perfekten Moment zu warten, sondern mit dem anzufangen, was du hast, und zwar dort, wo du gerade bist. Große Ziele können überwältigend sein, wenn man sie als Ganzes betrachtet, aber durch kleine, konsequente Schritte kommt man immer weiter voran. Egal, ob du auf ein persönliches Ziel oder einen beruflichen Traum hinarbeitest: Fortschritt entsteht nicht durch Perfektion, sondern durch Dranbleiben. Handeln schafft Klarheit. Und mit der Zeit werden all diese Schritte zu einem greifbaren Erfolg.

Du musst nicht furchtlos sein, um deine Ziele zu erreichen, du musst nur bereit sein. Bereit sein, es zu versuchen, bereit sein, zu lernen, und bereit sein, daran zu glauben, dass mehr in dir steckt, als du denkst. Der Weg ist vielleicht nicht immer einfach, aber das ist Wachstum selten. Was zählt, ist, dass du weitermachst, weiterlernst und an die Person glaubst, zu der du dich entwickelst.

Schaffe Raum für Wachstum

Selbstbewusstsein kommt nicht immer mit einem großen Auftritt. Manchmal entwickelt es sich ganz leise, Schritt für Schritt, wenn wir Tag für Tag etwas für uns selbst tun. Es wächst, wenn wir uns entscheiden, es zu versuchen, auch wenn wir uns über den Ausgang nicht sicher sind. Jedes Mal, wenn du trotz Selbstzweifeln handelst, stärkst du den Glauben daran, dass du es kannst. Selbstvertrauen bedeutet nicht, alle Antworten zu haben – es bedeutet, darauf zu vertrauen, dass du sie auf deinem Weg dahin finden wirst.

Der Schlüssel zum Erfolg liegt nicht darin, auf den perfekten Moment zu warten, sondern mit dem anzufangen, was du hast, und zwar dort, wo du gerade bist. Große Ziele können überwältigend sein, wenn man sie als Ganzes betrachtet, aber durch kleine, konsequente Schritte kommt man immer weiter voran. Egal, ob du auf ein persönliches Ziel oder einen beruflichen Traum hinarbeitest: Fortschritt entsteht nicht durch Perfektion, sondern durch Dranbleiben. Handeln schafft Klarheit. Und mit der Zeit werden all diese Schritte zu einem greifbaren Erfolg.

Du musst nicht furchtlos sein, um deine Ziele zu erreichen, du musst nur bereit sein. Bereit sein, es zu versuchen, bereit sein, zu lernen, und bereit sein, daran zu glauben, dass mehr in dir steckt, als du denkst. Der Weg ist vielleicht nicht immer einfach, aber das ist Wachstum selten. Was zählt, ist, dass du weitermachst, weiterlernst und an die Person glaubst, zu der du dich entwickelst.